Do Hajj when you’re young before you have kids - the effect can last generations.

Many people make the mistake of doing Hajj when their marriages have seasoned and they have older kids, even though they were financially able to do it before having kids.

The Hajj has a profound impact on their religiosity, and they take their Islam more seriously from this point forward.

Before Hajj, Islam was passive, but now, after Hajj, they have fully committed to following it as best as they can Alhumdulilah.

It changes their life.

This is expected and what we should want out of Hajj, but the problem is there is now a divide between your religious standards and expectations, versus your kids’ standards.

You became religious after Hajj, but now it’s near impossible to retroactively try to make your kids take the Deen more seriously because they are still living Islam the way you “taught” them: as a bystander who just proclaims Islam by mouth with no real action.

That is how your kids saw Islam for years - a passive experience that involves going to Eid prayer twice a year and maybe fasting some days in Ramadan.

For the most part your kids assimilated and drank the secular kool-aid.

After Hajj, you’re praying five times a day and growing your beard, or wearing the hijab, but your kids are smoking weed and going to clubs, scantily clad and you have no control.

It eats you up inside, and you realize you screwed up.

Now let’s say you went to Hajj before having kids.

Your life will still change for the better, and arguably you will be even more religious than when you go as an older man because you will do the Hajj with more energy, zeal, and passion:

1. You will run between Safa and Marwa instead of taking the wheelchair.

2. You will do tawaf with your own two feet instead of a scooter.

3. You will be able to stay in Muzdalifah and follow the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ sleeping out in the open.

4. You can stone the shaytan without having to hire someone to do it on your behalf.

Every act of worship will feel better when you’re younger, and the connection to Allah will be stronger.

Now when you go back home after Hajj with a renewed sense of purpose and passion for Islam, you will start to study and learn more about Islam, and now you’re on a path to be an effective teacher for your children.

You’re a young couple on a mission now, and your children’s faith is going to have a solid bedrock in sha Allah due to your dedication to Allah’s cause.

You now realize that Hajj wasn’t just about changing your life, but the life of your future generations.

How to make your kids follow Islam organically and without forcing them.

My daughter loves henna.

She applies it on her hands all the time.

It’s not the simple unattractive blobs of henna like in the past, but attractive patterns that beautify the hands and arms.

When she leaves home though, she wears gloves to conceal her beauty.

I didn’t force her to do that, but it did come through organic teaching at home through family discussions. Of course she wears hijab Alhumdulilah, and this also isn’t forced against her will.

How does all this happen?

Through organic family home discussions over the course of years.

Years.

Not a single, “Shaykh, please tell my daughter something to convince her to wear hijab!”

We talked about beautification, what is allowed and not allowed from an Islamic perspective, and how Allah is so merciful in how He lets us enjoy life with proper limits.

We talk constantly about the importance of limits, and how people can really endanger themselves if limits are crossed, be it with dress, food, screen time, and yes, even with religion.

Most of today’s problems are because we go into excess. From these lessons, the kids are inspired and do their best to follow the rules. Not just when I’m there, but on their own.

To be honest, it’s not hard with Allah’s grace to achieve these type of results. Parenting and raising homeschooled children is a give and take relationship and there are sacrifices that are made when you make these decisions.

You will make mistakes, but who doesn’t? That’s how every successful business becomes a successful business, by making choices, seeing what works, and adjusting as needed.

Your family is an institution, and needs the same structure and reinforcement.

The first major decision of any family:

Who will educate my children???

There are some beneficial qualities of public schools, but one of the biggest sacrifices you will make is the ultimate sacrifice - your religion.

You can’t argue with that when you look at today’s global culture. When you homeschool, you control the narrative. You guide the children to the right path and keep them there, while public schools will misguide them and you will spend your whole day trying to undo everything the schools are doing.

There’s no time for productive conversations that build upon each other day by day, week by week, year after year. It’s just a constant back and forth of trying to get them to listen to you because they constantly and systematically see the opposite of Islam everyday and want to do that instead:

“Mom, Dad, I don’t want to wear hijab.”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I have a boyfriend?”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I go to that party?”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I go to my friends’ sleepover?”

I really don’t know why parents are surprised when these questions come up. And when they do, they’re dumbfounded and don’t know how to answer except by saying some variety of “because I said so.”

Where were the discussions about putting your trust in Allah?

Where were the discussions about knowing Allah’s path is tough, but rewarding in this world and the next?

Where were your personal examples as inspiration along with examples from the Seerah of the Prophet ﷺ, acknowledging how doing the right thing always leads to good?

Don’t think you’re off the hook when your kids are off to school.

You actually made your situation worse, and you’re on the hook more than ever.

The heart is more than just a muscle.

Read this article

When foresight is 20/20, but you decide not to take action.

A practicing uncle describes a story of how girls used to chase him in college, and how he resisted temptation and needed to get married. This was 30 years ago, and the girls chasing him weren’t American - they were of the same South Asian background as him and were probably fresh off the boat just like he was. Now he sends his daughters to live in college dorms, and wonders why they have gone astray, wear provocative clothing, and are only culturally Muslim?

You had the hindsight, but you didn’t take action. By the time you started taking action, it was too late.

A true story that continues and will continue to repeat itself unless we wake up and invest in our children.

Every way of life is brainwashing, except Islam.

Every way of life is brainwashing, except Islam.

Islam is claimed by disbelievers to be a type of brainwashing, but Islam is the protection from brainwashing.

Everyone is born upon the fitra, but it is the parents who turn that child into a Christian, a Jew, an Atheist, etc.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

“Every child is born in a state of fitrah (the natural state of man, i.e., Islam), then his parents make him into a Jew or a Christian or a Magian.”

(Agreed upon)

"You're only Muslim because your parents raised you Muslim."

This brother talks about a key moment in his life that every Muslim will face at some point:

"Am I Muslim because I was born into Islam, or do I really believe in Islam as the truth?"

If your family was grounded in Islam, when you hit this key pivotal moment, you will realize that the truth always leads back to Islam.

If your family wasn't practicing, and Islam was more of a culture and not a religion, this breaking point could turn you away, as it is turning away many youth.

One of the problems the youth go through today is they spend much time in indoctrination centers - also known as schools - that do anything but tell you to control your desires. Of course Allah isn't mentioned at all in these schools, let alone teach children who Allah is.

People send their kids to prep them for the future, but are we really prepping them for the future when they don't even know who Allah is?

How Shaytan slowly turns you away from Islam.

1. You move into a new community, and you’re shocked because the Musallah is an open area. Men and women are properly separated, but there is no physical barrier and that makes you uncomfortable because you’re not used to that type of masjid. There should be a physical barrier between men and women!

2. You homeschool your kids because you know it’s best for them, and you continue to do so while they are young.

3. Time goes on, and you become more ambitious as a mother and feel the lack of purpose since you’re “only” a homeschooling, stay-at-home mother, sucked in by the other ambitious moms who maybe have two children and find it difficult to raise a family because they can’t put more effort into their family. “Secular education comes first, and two children is more than enough for me!”

4. Your ambition “for the ummah” makes you send your girls to public school because it will give them more opportunities, and you as well will have more opportunities.

5. Your girls grow up to go to college, and of course they must have the experience to dorm because they “need that experience.” Just remember these girls are hanging out at 3am, even if it is to study. I remember what that was like, because you would go out and eat, chill, and then study at the wee hours of the morning in someone’s dorm. The girls get used to this type of freedom, and they now have a distorted view of how a woman should behave and how a woman should be when going out and about. I can’t think of any husband who would be OK for their wife to go hang out at 3am with her besties, and this type of “controlling” behavior by the husband will lead to many arguments, all because the women don’t see anything wrong with such behavior because it was normal for them.

6. Those same girls in dorm rooms of course have non-Muslim roommates, so if they bring over a friend to you know, have sex with, then the best advice you are given by your own mother is to leave the room for awhile, while the roommate is getting pounded.

7. You go from being a conservative who is shocked by the lack of separation of men and women to essentially turning your daughter homeless in a college campus for a few hours or a whole night, while she is also surrounded by other drunks and horny toads.

A real scenario, not made up.

Parenting - you will make mistakes.

Parenting is an organic experience.

You will make plenty of mistakes along the way, but you’ll make plenty of memories as well.

You won’t be perfect and neither should you expect your kids to be.

What makes you human is your imperfection.

Don’t be afraid to take calculated risks and think outside the box. It’s your life and your family at the end of the day.

Remember one of the ways to increase your wealth is to spend time with your family, not leave them behind and grind to make more money for your family.

Al-Bukhari (2067) and Muslim (2557) narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: “Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be abundant and his lifespan to be extended, let him uphold his ties of kinship.”

You have to find that balance, and the best way to build is to take advantage of your single years to make the most out of it, but also don’t wait till you’re 40 either to start having kids.

That balance is different for each person, but the earlier you start, the better prepared you will be.

Getting married can save you from the two things that lead to hell.

The Prophet ﷺ said,

"Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him."

Marriage satisfies the needs of the private parts and prevents one from doing the haram, but how does marriage help with controlling the tongue? When you’re married, you have a responsibility to maintain that relationship with your spouse, and within that relationship, you have to be wise with your words. You have to think before you speak, which will prevent you from speaking ill or profanely, reducing the regret you will have.

I’ve seen plenty of brothers who run their mouths with no filter and are just at a level of immaturity you wouldn’t believe, and these people are usually single and have a high ego complex. Married men who work on their relationships know that the way you talk to men and the way you talk to women are two different things. Most of the time talking to women is actually just listening properly. It makes you more patient, and this also makes you more likely to process what you have heard before responding.

When you have children, it’s a whole different ballgame.

During the early months of fatherhood, men have reduced testosterone, increased estrogen, and increase bonding hormones as well. These are all part of Allah’s divine system, making men more empathetic now that they are a father, a nurturer. Of course this doesn’t mean you will turn into a female and your muscles will turn into fat. As a matter of fact, Alhumdulilah I have more muscle now than before I got married. These balanced increases and decreases in estrogen and testosterone during certain phases of a man’s life are part of what makes him a more wise individual.

A more merciful husband.

A merciful father.

The strictness and discipline comes out when needed, and the love and mercy also comes out when needed. It makes you think before you speak which sounds easy enough, but many people speak first and then ask questions later. The Prophet ﷺ was the perfect example of what to do when he wanted to address something to the community. If he ﷺ disliked something or what someone did, he would get angry and you could see the redness in his face, but he ﷺ didn’t lash out at his companions. His face would turn red, preparing the sahaba for what was to come, and then he would address the people.

It takes a lot of time and practice to get good at thinking before speaking, but getting married and having a family helps you develop these skills that you would otherwise be lacking in.

Does this excuse the brothers and sisters who aren’t married from having a bad attitude and running their mouths?

Of course not, just like it’s not allowed for them to have free rein with their private parts, they are not allowed to have free rein with their mouths.

But getting married, will certainly help you.

Ramadan day 30: The Epsteinification of our Muslim women.

An epic, passionate, quote from our brother Eyad Qunaibi from his Telegram:

I saw a clip from the Epstein leaks showing the president of a "superpower" posing with three terrified little girls, clutching each other like frightened kittens, in a deeply disturbing scene. We've included these two images for you.

What became of these girls? God only knows. What we do know is that when these people called for "women's liberation," "women's empowerment," and "children's rights," what they really wanted was more broken families and illegitimate children whom they could pick and choose to satisfy their depraved desires without any human accountability.

Your disgust with Epstein is meaningless if you don't rise up against his legacy and the system that supported him. If you don't see the effects of "Epsteinism" in your life and rid yourself of it with utter disgust. The discordant voices among us that corrupt women against their husbands and mock the guardianship that God has bestowed upon women, whether knowingly or unknowingly, contribute to stripping women of their men's protection, making them cheap commodities in the hands of the Epsteinian regime. The solution to some of the injustices already inflicted upon women lies not in resorting to malicious Western organizations, nor in destroying the family structure and the institution of guardianship, but rather in working to establish God's law with its justice and mercy.

The systematic deprivation of men from employment by many responsible authorities in Muslim countries, while simultaneously opening the field to women to work in any field, whether suitable or unsuitable, is an Epsteinian practice. The deliberate mixing of young men and women in education and employment, coupled with the difficulty of marriage, systematic impoverishment, and the incitement of base desires, are dictated by the Epsteinian system. Remember these words, our sons and daughters, when you act without the bounds of Islamic law...

They enact laws that incite young men and women against their parents: "If your parents forbid you from going out at night, complain about them," "If your father hits you for exercising your freedom—even if it involves deviant behavior—complain about him." This is not for the sake of God, nor for humanity or compassion. Rather, they want to turn sons and daughters into commodities for the Epsteins, like the three young girls we saw.

The gender integration activities that are rampant in Muslim countries, a burden on the heart, in which some veiled women and male and female teachers participate, are tools of the Epstein system.

The immodest dress and promiscuity, O Muslim women, are products of the despicable Epstein system that seeks to turn girls into cheap commodities for leaders and capitalist tycoons.

The legacy of Epstein is deeply ingrained in the minds of many Muslim youth who browse through indecent content on TikTok, Instagram, and other platforms.

All the aforementioned forms of corruption are just the beginnings; falling into Epstein's trap is the end. Western nations have already traversed this miserable path, and there are those who are leading our Muslim societies down the same course.

The Epstein scandal is a scandal for the West and its values, and for the international order and its pillars. It is a scandal for the insidious values ​​propagated by the sexual revolution in America and global Zionism some sixty years ago. What we witnessed in the Epstein scandals is but a tiny fraction of this filth.

If the Muslim reaction stops at shock, disgust, and cursing these pigs, and then everything returns to the way it was, and the remnants and vestiges of Epstein's influence remain widespread in our societies and the minds of our children, then what a disgrace for us, what a loss! Transform this disgust and anger into a revolution in your life against all Epsteinian remnants, into glorification of God Almighty, His law, and His Book, in which He says: “God desires to make clear to you and guide you to the ways of those before you and accept your repentance. And God is Knowing and Wise.

May Allah preserve him, Ameen.

Ramadan day 29 - staying single and childless will deprive you of the ultimate source of ongoing charity (sadaqa jaariya).

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased)."

Sahih Muslim

Having children that are raised upon the deen can fulfill all 3 categories of deeds that continue after you have been buried 6 feet under:

1. A righteous child can give charity or perform charitable acts on your behalf - acts that you taught them.

2. A righteous child can spread beneficial knowledge - that you taught them.

3. A righteous child can pray for you after you are gone.

When I think of all my relatives that have passed away, it is no surprise that my immediate family is mostly on my mind.

In my case, that would be my father.

The countless duas that he receives from me are in sha Allah benefiting him, but who will make du’a for you when you’re gone? Of course we shouldn’t rely on anyone’s dua when we’re gone and even when we’re alive, but who wouldn’t want the honor of getting more good deeds and mercy from Allah subhana wata'aalah?

Ramadan day 28 - preparing for the right kind of leadership.

Brothers, you were born to lead.

Whether you like it or not, you are responsible for your flock.

Make sure you focus on leading your family first and foremost. Don’t be like the “rat race nation” that is focused on leading a company, only to sacrifice their family at the altar of the mighty dollar. If you are properly aligned to what is truly important, you will already know the frivolousness of excess material gains. The more you care about your children’s real future, the less you will be worried about material luxuries.

You won’t stop loving material things since you are human after all, but you will notice how easily the material gains take a set back over prioritizing your family time. You can’t replace that family time, especially when they are young and are used to having you around. Your influence on them should rub off and your imprint needs to be beyond your DNA.

It needs to be your values, your strength, your grit, your being able to balance being humble but also standing up for what’s right.

Ramadan day 27 - The barakah has manifested right in front of your eyes.

You would be surprised how much extra money you have since you’re spending a lot less on consumption. It just shows you how a little bit of food can go a long way. The barakah is there, and you have witnessed it first hand.

You’re eating less, saving money, and you’re benefitting both spiritually and physically.

In a similar fashion, you can achieve more with less by having a household that focuses on the end goal - pleasing Allah subhana wata’aalah and raising a righteous family.

Leaving behind a legacy of children who will keep Islam alive.

In this traditional household, there is a working father and a stay at home mother. Both see the end goal, and will sacrifice luxuries for the sake of their children’s upbringing. Society will tell you that a 2-income family is a must, but that is just a deception to make your children “raised up” by the status quo.

Ramadan day 26 - boundaries help stabilize a human.

In a world where there is less and less friction in fulfilling our desires, Allah gave us Islam as the ultimate regulator, and Ramadan is the annual tool we use to train ourselves to control our desires.

Remember, boundaries makes you stronger, not weaker.

Ramadan day 25 - Critical Thinking vs. Blind Following.

As children, we blindly follow our parents when it comes to religious beliefs. Even “Islamic” beliefs that are completely based on culture and have no evidence from a religious perspective. This is why I firmly believe that every Muslim needs to go through a transformation in life, where they take a stand on what is true and what is right.

This can only come from sincerely seeking knowledge. It’s easy to follow what your parents say and not verify their claims, but we have a duty to ourselves and to our families to discover the truth and spread it.

Your family might even say this and this act or this belief is correct, but a good parent will always tell their children to verify their claims.

Every Muslim needs to come to this critical junction:

“Am I going to follow what my parents say, or am I going to follow what Allah and His Messenger say??”

A bit of a mini-crisis, discomfort has to develop within you where you need to verify your families’ practices and claims from an Islamic perspective. If you don’t, then what is the difference between you and those who followed their ancestors?

وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمُ اتَّبِعُوا مَا أَنزَلَ اللَّهُ قَالُوا بَلْ نَتَّبِعُ مَا وَجَدْنَا عَلَيْهِ آبَاءَنَا أَوَلَوْ كَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ يَدْعُوهُمْ إِلَىٰ عَذَابِ السَّعِيرِ

And when such [people] are told to follow that which God has bestowed from on high, they answer, “Nay, we shall follow that which we found our forefathers believing in and doing!” Why - [would you follow your forefathers] even if Satan had invited them unto the suffering of the blazing flame?

Surah Luqman 31:21

Seek the truth, and if you do, Allah subhana wata’aalah will never let that dua go unanswered.

Start with the Fatiha in your prayers and once you understand and read it with full meaning of what you’re asking, Allah will open your heart to what’s true, and make you hate what isn’t true.

Ramadan day 24 - being a “stranger” (Ghuraba).

A lot of times we feel like strangers in Ramadan because we might be the only ones fasting in our jobs, in our schools, or even in our families. Not only that, but we leave off other deeds that we know we shouldn’t be doing, mainly haram entertainment.

“Yo, I can’t wait to watch that movie, but I’ll watch it after Ramadan’s over.”

“I’ll meet you at the hookah joint, but after Ramadan brother.”

Following the truth has always led to some form of isolation, but remember that being amongst the strangers (ghuraba), is part of what the Prophet ﷺ prophesied:

“Indeed, Islam began as something strange, and it will return to being strange just as it began, so glad tidings of paradise be for the strangers.”

It was said to the Prophet (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam): “Who are they?” He (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) responded, “They are those who rectify when the people become corrupted.”

This Hadith has been collected by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi, Ahmad, and other than them from the scholars of hadeeth, and it has been declared authentic by Al-Albani.

In a narration, he (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said: “Those who rectify themselves [and others] when the people have become corrupt.” Reported by Ahmad and At-Tabarāni.

The question we have to ask ourselves is, will we continue to be strangers after Ramadan?

Ramadan day 23 - the concept of Haya (modesty).

Haya’ (modesty) goes beyond just the obvious meaning. According to Islamqa:

Haya’ is an attitude which motivates a person to do what is good and to keep away from what is reprehensible and bad.

Al-Aadaab ash-Shar‘iyyah by Ibn Muflih (2/219).

An-Nawawi said in Riyadh as-Saaliheen (p. 295): The scholars said: The definition of haya’ is a characteristic that prompts a person to refrain from what is reprehensible and bad, and prevents him from falling short in fulfilling the rights of others who have rights over him. End quote.

There are many hadiths which speak of the virtue of attaining the characteristic of haya’.

Al-Bukhaari (6117) and Muslim (165) narrated from ‘Imraan ibn Husayn that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Haya’ leads to nothing but good.”

According to a version narrated by Muslim (166): “Haya’ is all good.”

Al-Haakim narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Haya’ and faith are inseparable; if one of them is lost, the other will be lost too.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘ (2483).

To have Haya’ means to be shy to displease Allah.

To disappoint Him.

It doesn’t mean you’re too shy to stop an evil or stand up for yourself or for the truth. That is weakness in faith.

Don’t confuse weakness with Haya’.

Ramadan day 22 - self restriction leads to gratitude.

In a time where everything is easily accessible with just a few clicks, the friction blocking us from our wants is virtually eliminated, making the human weaker and more irritable when things don’t go exactly as planned. Ramadan comes in and acts like the perfect regulator. The divine medicine that keeps our desires in check, and allows us to be satisfied with less. That one date you eat when it’s time to break your fast tastes SO much better than if you were eating it any other day.

More importantly, you are more grateful for that date after a long day of not eating anything. On any other day when you’re not fasting, you will be eating constantly, and that one date might even be discarded because it briefly touched the floor. Subhan Allah.

Self restriction is a great way to appreciate what you already have, and Ramadan is our reminder of that.

Ramadan day 21 - why we weren’t told the exact Night of Power.

There are many authentic narrations telling us which night is the Night of Power, but no scholar can say for sure what night it actually falls on. It’s also considered to be one of the odd nights, but how do you know if you’re praying an odd or even night because if you try and follow the moonsighting, you won’t know until the 29th day if there are 29 or 30 days in the month.

The wisdom in not knowing the exact day of Laylatul Qadr, and not knowing if you’re even praying on an odd night, is to motivate everyone to try their best to make Qiyam in all of the last 10 nights. If we were certain that Laylatul Qadr is on a specific day 100% with no doubt and with full agreement of all the scholars, it would make us lazy and only seek that one day.

But Allah wants more from you, because He really wants to see who will compete for His mercy in all 10 nights. Allah is showing us once again subhana wata'aalah, that He is the most knowledgeable, and we are completely under His control and we submit to Him. The Prophet ﷺ also was extra diligent in the last 10 nights, so why shouldn’t we? He is the perfect example we need to follow:

Narrated Aisha RA:

With the start of the last ten days of Ramadan, the Prophet (ﷺ) used to tighten his waist belt (i.e. work hard) and used to pray all the night, and used to keep his family awake for the prayers.

(Sahih Bukhari 2024)

Ramadan day 20 - keeping that connection with the Qur’an.

Evaluate yourself after 20 days - has your connection with the Qur’an increased since Ramadan started? There’s still 10 days left, so make the most of it.

The last 10 nights are the best nights of the year, and the acts of worship, if they fall on Laylatul Qadr, a night better than 1,000 months, can be magnified beyond a lifetime!