How to make your kids follow Islam organically and without forcing them.

My daughter loves henna.

She applies it on her hands all the time.

It’s not the simple unattractive blobs of henna like in the past, but attractive patterns that beautify the hands and arms.

When she leaves home though, she wears gloves to conceal her beauty.

I didn’t force her to do that, but it did come through organic teaching at home through family discussions. Of course she wears hijab Alhumdulilah, and this also isn’t forced against her will.

How does all this happen?

Through organic family home discussions over the course of years.

Years.

Not a single, “Shaykh, please tell my daughter something to convince her to wear hijab!”

We talked about beautification, what is allowed and not allowed from an Islamic perspective, and how Allah is so merciful in how He lets us enjoy life with proper limits.

We talk constantly about the importance of limits, and how people can really endanger themselves if limits are crossed, be it with dress, food, screen time, and yes, even with religion.

Most of today’s problems are because we go into excess. From these lessons, the kids are inspired and do their best to follow the rules. Not just when I’m there, but on their own.

To be honest, it’s not hard with Allah’s grace to achieve these type of results. Parenting and raising homeschooled children is a give and take relationship and there are sacrifices that are made when you make these decisions.

You will make mistakes, but who doesn’t? That’s how every successful business becomes a successful business, by making choices, seeing what works, and adjusting as needed.

Your family is an institution, and needs the same structure and reinforcement.

The first major decision of any family:

Who will educate my children???

There are some beneficial qualities of public schools, but one of the biggest sacrifices you will make is the ultimate sacrifice - your religion.

You can’t argue with that when you look at today’s global culture. When you homeschool, you control the narrative. You guide the children to the right path and keep them there, while public schools will misguide them and you will spend your whole day trying to undo everything the schools are doing.

There’s no time for productive conversations that build upon each other day by day, week by week, year after year. It’s just a constant back and forth of trying to get them to listen to you because they constantly and systematically see the opposite of Islam everyday and want to do that instead:

“Mom, Dad, I don’t want to wear hijab.”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I have a boyfriend?”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I go to that party?”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I go to my friends’ sleepover?”

I really don’t know why parents are surprised when these questions come up. And when they do, they’re dumbfounded and don’t know how to answer except by saying some variety of “because I said so.”

Where were the discussions about putting your trust in Allah?

Where were the discussions about knowing Allah’s path is tough, but rewarding in this world and the next?

Where were your personal examples as inspiration along with examples from the Seerah of the Prophet ﷺ, acknowledging how doing the right thing always leads to good?

Don’t think you’re off the hook when your kids are off to school.

You actually made your situation worse, and you’re on the hook more than ever.