Do Hajj when you’re young before you have kids - the effect can last generations.

Many people make the mistake of doing Hajj when their marriages have seasoned and they have older kids, even though they were financially able to do it before having kids.

The Hajj has a profound impact on their religiosity, and they take their Islam more seriously from this point forward.

Before Hajj, Islam was passive, but now, after Hajj, they have fully committed to following it as best as they can Alhumdulilah.

It changes their life.

This is expected and what we should want out of Hajj, but the problem is there is now a divide between your religious standards and expectations, versus your kids’ standards.

You became religious after Hajj, but now it’s near impossible to retroactively try to make your kids take the Deen more seriously because they are still living Islam the way you “taught” them: as a bystander who just proclaims Islam by mouth with no real action.

That is how your kids saw Islam for years - a passive experience that involves going to Eid prayer twice a year and maybe fasting some days in Ramadan.

For the most part your kids assimilated and drank the secular kool-aid.

After Hajj, you’re praying five times a day and growing your beard, or wearing the hijab, but your kids are smoking weed and going to clubs, scantily clad and you have no control.

It eats you up inside, and you realize you screwed up.

Now let’s say you went to Hajj before having kids.

Your life will still change for the better, and arguably you will be even more religious than when you go as an older man because you will do the Hajj with more energy, zeal, and passion:

1. You will run between Safa and Marwa instead of taking the wheelchair.

2. You will do tawaf with your own two feet instead of a scooter.

3. You will be able to stay in Muzdalifah and follow the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ sleeping out in the open.

4. You can stone the shaytan without having to hire someone to do it on your behalf.

Every act of worship will feel better when you’re younger, and the connection to Allah will be stronger.

Now when you go back home after Hajj with a renewed sense of purpose and passion for Islam, you will start to study and learn more about Islam, and now you’re on a path to be an effective teacher for your children.

You’re a young couple on a mission now, and your children’s faith is going to have a solid bedrock in sha Allah due to your dedication to Allah’s cause.

You now realize that Hajj wasn’t just about changing your life, but the life of your future generations.

How to make your kids follow Islam organically and without forcing them.

My daughter loves henna.

She applies it on her hands all the time.

It’s not the simple unattractive blobs of henna like in the past, but attractive patterns that beautify the hands and arms.

When she leaves home though, she wears gloves to conceal her beauty.

I didn’t force her to do that, but it did come through organic teaching at home through family discussions. Of course she wears hijab Alhumdulilah, and this also isn’t forced against her will.

How does all this happen?

Through organic family home discussions over the course of years.

Years.

Not a single, “Shaykh, please tell my daughter something to convince her to wear hijab!”

We talked about beautification, what is allowed and not allowed from an Islamic perspective, and how Allah is so merciful in how He lets us enjoy life with proper limits.

We talk constantly about the importance of limits, and how people can really endanger themselves if limits are crossed, be it with dress, food, screen time, and yes, even with religion.

Most of today’s problems are because we go into excess. From these lessons, the kids are inspired and do their best to follow the rules. Not just when I’m there, but on their own.

To be honest, it’s not hard with Allah’s grace to achieve these type of results. Parenting and raising homeschooled children is a give and take relationship and there are sacrifices that are made when you make these decisions.

You will make mistakes, but who doesn’t? That’s how every successful business becomes a successful business, by making choices, seeing what works, and adjusting as needed.

Your family is an institution, and needs the same structure and reinforcement.

The first major decision of any family:

Who will educate my children???

There are some beneficial qualities of public schools, but one of the biggest sacrifices you will make is the ultimate sacrifice - your religion.

You can’t argue with that when you look at today’s global culture. When you homeschool, you control the narrative. You guide the children to the right path and keep them there, while public schools will misguide them and you will spend your whole day trying to undo everything the schools are doing.

There’s no time for productive conversations that build upon each other day by day, week by week, year after year. It’s just a constant back and forth of trying to get them to listen to you because they constantly and systematically see the opposite of Islam everyday and want to do that instead:

“Mom, Dad, I don’t want to wear hijab.”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I have a boyfriend?”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I go to that party?”

“Mom, Dad, why can’t I go to my friends’ sleepover?”

I really don’t know why parents are surprised when these questions come up. And when they do, they’re dumbfounded and don’t know how to answer except by saying some variety of “because I said so.”

Where were the discussions about putting your trust in Allah?

Where were the discussions about knowing Allah’s path is tough, but rewarding in this world and the next?

Where were your personal examples as inspiration along with examples from the Seerah of the Prophet ﷺ, acknowledging how doing the right thing always leads to good?

Don’t think you’re off the hook when your kids are off to school.

You actually made your situation worse, and you’re on the hook more than ever.

The heart is more than just a muscle.

Read this article

When foresight is 20/20, but you decide not to take action.

A practicing uncle describes a story of how girls used to chase him in college, and how he resisted temptation and needed to get married. This was 30 years ago, and the girls chasing him weren’t American - they were of the same South Asian background as him and were probably fresh off the boat just like he was. Now he sends his daughters to live in college dorms, and wonders why they have gone astray, wear provocative clothing, and are only culturally Muslim?

You had the hindsight, but you didn’t take action. By the time you started taking action, it was too late.

A true story that continues and will continue to repeat itself unless we wake up and invest in our children.

Every way of life is brainwashing, except Islam.

Every way of life is brainwashing, except Islam.

Islam is claimed by disbelievers to be a type of brainwashing, but Islam is the protection from brainwashing.

Everyone is born upon the fitra, but it is the parents who turn that child into a Christian, a Jew, an Atheist, etc.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

“Every child is born in a state of fitrah (the natural state of man, i.e., Islam), then his parents make him into a Jew or a Christian or a Magian.”

(Agreed upon)

"You're only Muslim because your parents raised you Muslim."

This brother talks about a key moment in his life that every Muslim will face at some point:

"Am I Muslim because I was born into Islam, or do I really believe in Islam as the truth?"

If your family was grounded in Islam, when you hit this key pivotal moment, you will realize that the truth always leads back to Islam.

If your family wasn't practicing, and Islam was more of a culture and not a religion, this breaking point could turn you away, as it is turning away many youth.

One of the problems the youth go through today is they spend much time in indoctrination centers - also known as schools - that do anything but tell you to control your desires. Of course Allah isn't mentioned at all in these schools, let alone teach children who Allah is.

People send their kids to prep them for the future, but are we really prepping them for the future when they don't even know who Allah is?